The Dalai Lama has been speaking to
me. A lot. He finds me through Facebook, Twitter, motivational cards, event
posters and the occasional comment from a friend. He certainly has a good deal
to say to me but always delivered with a chirpy smile on his face. The very
epitome of grace and simplicity. You may well know the kind of posts and cards
I mean: ‘When you wake each morning know the day will be a good day and banish
those negative thoughts’; ‘Trust in yourself and let the light shine into the
darkest places of your life’. Nice.
But I have a problem with these. In
part I have a suspicion that the Dalai Lama didn’t say most of these things. Rather
someone hopes the words are made powerful because they are attached to someone
respected for their spirituality. My main problem is that the words seem empty.
Working with a client in the depths of depression or anxiety I wonder how
helpful it can be for anyone to suggest that all they need is to think happy to
be happy. It belittles the challenges they face, sometimes just to get out of
bed.
Friends surely mean well but I feel
the power to shame in those words. Implicit in them all is that happiness is
the responsibility of the individual. If you cannot cheer up you can only blame
yourself for not trying hard enough, for not thinking yourself to happiness.
Perhaps, rather than sharing the
supposed thoughts of the famous we just try to find our own. To know those
emotions when we are with friends in pain, and to share them, straight from our
hearts to their hearts. Tough, for sure, but real and real is often the most
healing.
This article first appeared in Gallery Magazine.
